Thirteenth

People say that there's something cynical about the number thirteen. Over the years, it has been associated with ill luck and bad omens. Not for me, though. And definitely not for this relationship. James and I marked our first year as a couple last month, and now we've reached our thirteenth month milestone. The road was fraught with trials, but they came with a lot of wonderful memories to temper whatever pain there was. And now there's just happiness... and completeness... and a bright hope for so many beautiful tomorrows to come. I love you so much James. :)

Start

Technorati Profile

Summer's Here

Temperatures have reached fever-high levels the past couple of days. It's so hot that I find it highly uncomfortable to stay in my room from noon, all throughout the afternoon. I seek the relief of having breezes blowing around me as I sit on the rocking chair on our patio, where I promptly start devouring a new novel or doze off until going up to my room is tolerable once again. And I bet our neighbor's Halo-Halo business is booming. Nothing beats a cold drink on a hot summer afternoon, and my mom and I frequently find ourselves marching up next door to purchase a glass of cold relief for our parched throats. I wish the heat would let up soon, but that's just wishful thinking for sure. *sigh* I'm starting to miss cold Japanese winters...

Topsy Turvy

I haven't been feeling much like myself lately. I've been feeling nauseous throughout the day, with bouts of dizziness in the early evenings. My hormones are apparently on overdrive and my sleeping pattern has gone haywire. I'm having foodie cravings at all hours of the day and it feels like I'm riding on an emotional roller coaster. It's like my world (or at least my entire physiological system) has gone topsy turvy. Hmm... I wonder if my body is trying to tell me something...

Forever

It's been a year... time really does fly by so fast. Two years ago, I never would have thought that we'd find ourselves here, now. But then I could never be more thankful for all that has transpired. Thank you for everything angel. You've given me so much love and so much inspiration that I can no longer imagine living life without you. I know that forever is a big word, but even that seems to diminish with the amount of emotion you make me feel. I love you so much James. Happy first anniversary. Thank you for making me a believer in forever and in miracles.

Happy Women's Month

Here's to all the mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, and girlfriends out there. To all the women of the world who accept unquestioningly and love unconditionally, who nurture and care for others without thought of self. Cheers!~ Here's a poem by Nobel laureatte Maya Angelou, that always inspires me to celebrate my femininity. Phenomenal Woman...

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips

The stride of my steps

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please

And to a man

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees

Then they swarm around me

A hive of honey bees.

I say

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth

The swing of my waist

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say

It's in the arch of my back

The sun of my smile

The ride of my breasts

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say

It's in the click of my heels

The bend of my hair

The palm of my hand

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me

What's in a name? (Part 2)

After scouring the net for the meanings of my names, I decided to find out the meaning of my angel's name as well. Seeing that his name is Biblically-based, it came as no big surprise for me when I found out the his name means "God provides." Such a fitting meaning, especially since I consider James to be my own personal miracle... God's perfect choice for me. :)

Left Behind

Choices… try as you may to avoid them, they always have to be made at one point or another. And it’s funny how one choice that you make could speak so much of what’s really on your head… of what your priorities are.

Everything has been going great for you. We’ve never anticipated such things to happen, but they did. And I’m happy for you. I truly am. You deserve every good thing that’s coming your way simply because of how good a person you are. And I am so proud of you.

But despite this, I have this all-too-familiar feeling of loneliness starting to clutch my being. I feel overshadowed. And while it’s true that you never fail to tell me that you love me, I can’t help but feel all the more alone.

You are slipping away… far beyond my reach. I am so afraid that there would come a time when you would already be out of sight. To where I could no longer hold you… to where I could no longer see you. You are not turning away but everything seems to be conspiring to pull you away from me. And they just might succeed.

Along with my fear is a nagging uncertainty… Do you need me because you love me? Or do you love me because you need me? If the latter is true then I know that sometime soon, I would no longer be of use to you. There are people and circumstances that can provide your wants and needs much better than I could. Your hopes and dreams are coming true. While I am starting to blend in with the walls. I’m fading away. And you’re letting me…

And I feel the bitter cold creeping its way up to me, as I am being left behind…

Happy Heart's Day

Happy Valentines Day everyone! May your day be filled with as much romance as you crave and as much happiness as you deserve. And to James, who has always had my heart from the very beginning, I just want to let you know that I certainly feel like the luckiest girl in the world because of having you in my life. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Happy eleventh month milestone. I love you!~

All Jazzed Up

This is it... my dream car. As girly and as pink as you can get. *laughs* I have always wanted to have my own Honda Jazz ever since I saw one being driven along the mall strip at Ayala. Aside from it being my favorite shade, I have always preferred Hondas for their smooth road handling and fast acceleration. I will surely get myself one of these, no matter how long it takes. =P

To You

So many times have I longed to look at your face and see LOVE in your eyes. But unfortunately, that time never did come, and it probably never will. So many months have I spent, hoping that the moment would come wherein “YOU” and “ME” would become “US”, when there would be one thought and feeling to bind us together. But as I stare into your eyes and search for my portrait, I see another face in your subconscious.

Many silent moments have I spent thinking of you, and I would then realize how hard it is to forget what I feel for you. You already are so much a part of me. Many times have I sought the opportunity to express how I feel, but my heart would retreat to its own dark corner, for the simple reason that your heart belongs to someone else. The fact that our paths have crossed just isn’t enough – we could not reach a common destination. If only we could walk side by side, hand in hand, we could go anywhere we want, and arrive at anyplace we please.

For now, it is as though the further we go, the closer we become. I guess I should be content with what I have, because a true and lasting friendship is priceless, far better than a limited love. LOVE IS SACRIFICING… Now I know the true meaning of these words. If at all I should LOVE… and LET GO… my soul would still whisper that I LOVE YOU SO…

------------------------------------------------------

written on a cold winter night... Sukagawa 2006...

What's in a name?

Having been blessed (or should I say cursed? *laughs*) with a mile-long name, I deemed it fit to find out, early on, about what each of my four first names meant. It was definitely fun getting to know the history and meaning behind my names and though there were a couple of surprises, I guess I could say that for the most part, they pretty much sum up who I am. And yes, to give you some hints, my names mean beloved, holy, light, and daughter of the moon respectively. :)

Tenth

Happy tenth month milestone angel!~ You know me, and I know that you know what's in my heart. I hope that everything I do would be enough to let you know what words cannot amply say. I love you so much!

Interview with God

Hi everyone! To start the year 2008 right, I just want to share something that is so profoundly true and infinitely inspiring. It's called An Interview with God and I hope that it touches you in the same way that it touched me...

I dreamed I had an interview with God. “So you would like to interview me?” God asked. “If You have the time,” I said. God smiled. “My time is eternity. What questions do you have in mind for me?” “What surprises You most about humankind?” God answered... “That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.” “That they lose their health to make money... and then lose their money to restore their health.” “That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.” "That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived.” God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while. And then I asked... “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons You want your children to learn?” “To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.” “To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.” “To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.” “To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.” “To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.” “To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.” “To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.” “To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.” "Thank You for Your time," I said humbly. "Is there anything else You would like your children to know?" God smiled and said, “Just know that I am here... always.”