Candy-Coated Dreams

One Year

2009-04-13T21:38:00.002+08:00

It's almost a year since I've last written an entry in this blog. And quite honestly, I've almost forgotten about this already! I'm mainly focused on my wordpress [serious] bloggy that I have almost overlooked my pinky and girly blogspot bloggy. Well, I'm back with a vengeance. *laughs* I've been up to many things since I last wrote here. Details of which are expounded on my wordpress blog. I promise to update this bloggy often as well. I'm going to have a busy, busy schedule in the coming months though, so please bear with me. Ta-ta for now everyone!~ I promise not to let another year pass before I post updates here. ^__^

Thirteenth

2008-04-14T08:59:00.005+08:00

People say that there's something cynical about the number thirteen. Over the years, it has been associated with ill luck and bad omens. Not for me, though. And definitely not for this relationship. James and I marked our first year as a couple last month, and now we've reached our thirteenth month milestone. The road was fraught with trials, but they came with a lot of wonderful memories to temper whatever pain there was. And now there's just happiness... and completeness... and a bright hope for so many beautiful tomorrows to come. I love you so much James. :)

Start

2008-04-07T00:31:00.001+08:00

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Summer's Here

2008-03-30T11:53:00.001+08:00

Temperatures have reached fever-high levels the past couple of days. It's so hot that I find it highly uncomfortable to stay in my room from noon, all throughout the afternoon. I seek the relief of having breezes blowing around me as I sit on the rocking chair on our patio, where I promptly start devouring a new novel or doze off until going up to my room is tolerable once again. And I bet our neighbor's Halo-Halo business is booming. Nothing beats a cold drink on a hot summer afternoon, and my mom and I frequently find ourselves marching up next door to purchase a glass of cold relief for our parched throats. I wish the heat would let up soon, but that's just wishful thinking for sure. *sigh* I'm starting to miss cold Japanese winters...

Topsy Turvy

2008-03-20T11:43:00.001+08:00

I haven't been feeling much like myself lately. I've been feeling nauseous throughout the day, with bouts of dizziness in the early evenings. My hormones are apparently on overdrive and my sleeping pattern has gone haywire. I'm having foodie cravings at all hours of the day and it feels like I'm riding on an emotional roller coaster. It's like my world (or at least my entire physiological system) has gone topsy turvy. Hmm... I wonder if my body is trying to tell me something...

Forever

2008-03-14T15:14:00.000+08:00

It's been a year... time really does fly by so fast. Two years ago, I never would have thought that we'd find ourselves here, now. But then I could never be more thankful for all that has transpired. Thank you for everything angel. You've given me so much love and so much inspiration that I can no longer imagine living life without you. I know that forever is a big word, but even that seems to diminish with the amount of emotion you make me feel. I love you so much James. Happy first anniversary. Thank you for making me a believer in forever and in miracles.

Happy Women's Month

2008-03-06T11:24:00.001+08:00

Here's to all the mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, and girlfriends out there. To all the women of the world who accept unquestioningly and love unconditionally, who nurture and care for others without thought of self. Cheers!~ Here's a poem by Nobel laureatte Maya Angelou, that always inspires me to celebrate my femininity. Phenomenal Woman...

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips

The stride of my steps

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please

And to a man

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees

Then they swarm around me

A hive of honey bees.

I say

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth

The swing of my waist

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say

It's in the arch of my back

The sun of my smile

The ride of my breasts

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say

It's in the click of my heels

The bend of my hair

The palm of my hand

The need for my care.

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally

Phenomenal woman

That's me

What's in a name? (Part 2)

2008-02-28T20:15:00.001+08:00

After scouring the net for the meanings of my names, I decided to find out the meaning of my angel's name as well. Seeing that his name is Biblically-based, it came as no big surprise for me when I found out the his name means "God provides." Such a fitting meaning, especially since I consider James to be my own personal miracle... God's perfect choice for me. :)

Left Behind

2008-02-22T23:10:00.001+08:00

Choices… try as you may to avoid them, they always have to be made at one point or another. And it’s funny how one choice that you make could speak so much of what’s really on your head… of what your priorities are.

Everything has been going great for you. We’ve never anticipated such things to happen, but they did. And I’m happy for you. I truly am. You deserve every good thing that’s coming your way simply because of how good a person you are. And I am so proud of you.

But despite this, I have this all-too-familiar feeling of loneliness starting to clutch my being. I feel overshadowed. And while it’s true that you never fail to tell me that you love me, I can’t help but feel all the more alone.

You are slipping away… far beyond my reach. I am so afraid that there would come a time when you would already be out of sight. To where I could no longer hold you… to where I could no longer see you. You are not turning away but everything seems to be conspiring to pull you away from me. And they just might succeed.

Along with my fear is a nagging uncertainty… Do you need me because you love me? Or do you love me because you need me? If the latter is true then I know that sometime soon, I would no longer be of use to you. There are people and circumstances that can provide your wants and needs much better than I could. Your hopes and dreams are coming true. While I am starting to blend in with the walls. I’m fading away. And you’re letting me…

And I feel the bitter cold creeping its way up to me, as I am being left behind…

Happy Heart's Day

2008-02-14T14:06:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentines Day everyone! May your day be filled with as much romance as you crave and as much happiness as you deserve. And to James, who has always had my heart from the very beginning, I just want to let you know that I certainly feel like the luckiest girl in the world because of having you in my life. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Happy eleventh month milestone. I love you!~

All Jazzed Up

2008-02-04T11:00:00.000+08:00

This is it... my dream car. As girly and as pink as you can get. *laughs* I have always wanted to have my own Honda Jazz ever since I saw one being driven along the mall strip at Ayala. Aside from it being my favorite shade, I have always preferred Hondas for their smooth road handling and fast acceleration. I will surely get myself one of these, no matter how long it takes. =P

To You

2008-01-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

So many times have I longed to look at your face and see LOVE in your eyes. But unfortunately, that time never did come, and it probably never will. So many months have I spent, hoping that the moment would come wherein “YOU” and “ME” would become “US”, when there would be one thought and feeling to bind us together. But as I stare into your eyes and search for my portrait, I see another face in your subconscious.

Many silent moments have I spent thinking of you, and I would then realize how hard it is to forget what I feel for you. You already are so much a part of me. Many times have I sought the opportunity to express how I feel, but my heart would retreat to its own dark corner, for the simple reason that your heart belongs to someone else. The fact that our paths have crossed just isn’t enough – we could not reach a common destination. If only we could walk side by side, hand in hand, we could go anywhere we want, and arrive at anyplace we please.

For now, it is as though the further we go, the closer we become. I guess I should be content with what I have, because a true and lasting friendship is priceless, far better than a limited love. LOVE IS SACRIFICING… Now I know the true meaning of these words. If at all I should LOVE… and LET GO… my soul would still whisper that I LOVE YOU SO…

------------------------------------------------------

written on a cold winter night... Sukagawa 2006...

What's in a name?

2008-01-21T14:39:00.000+08:00

Having been blessed (or should I say cursed? *laughs*) with a mile-long name, I deemed it fit to find out, early on, about what each of my four first names meant. It was definitely fun getting to know the history and meaning behind my names and though there were a couple of surprises, I guess I could say that for the most part, they pretty much sum up who I am. And yes, to give you some hints, my names mean beloved, holy, light, and daughter of the moon respectively. :)

Tenth

2008-01-14T08:26:00.000+08:00

Happy tenth month milestone angel!~ You know me, and I know that you know what's in my heart. I hope that everything I do would be enough to let you know what words cannot amply say. I love you so much!

Interview with God

2008-01-03T10:06:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone! To start the year 2008 right, I just want to share something that is so profoundly true and infinitely inspiring. It's called An Interview with God and I hope that it touches you in the same way that it touched me...

I dreamed I had an interview with God. “So you would like to interview me?” God asked. “If You have the time,” I said. God smiled. “My time is eternity. What questions do you have in mind for me?” “What surprises You most about humankind?” God answered... “That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.” “That they lose their health to make money... and then lose their money to restore their health.” “That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.” "That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived.” God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while. And then I asked... “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons You want your children to learn?” “To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.” “To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.” “To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.” “To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.” “To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.” “To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.” “To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.” “To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.” "Thank You for Your time," I said humbly. "Is there anything else You would like your children to know?" God smiled and said, “Just know that I am here... always.”

A chapter closes

2007-12-31T21:58:00.000+08:00

Another year is coming to a close. The year 2007 taught me that hardships build character… that friendships can sometimes be found in the unlikeliest places… that while growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional… that the most important things in life are usually the little things that we tend to overlook… that sometimes, what we’re looking for is right before our eyes… that God has a perfect time, place, person, and reason for everything… and that even the deepest pain can be healed by the truest love… While the road never was and never will be easy, I believe that with much faith, we would always be able to make it through. It was a wonderful year, and with a smile, I close this chapter as I look forward to a new beginning that I'm sure is going to be much more interesting than the previous one.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

The melody of carols are drifting in the background as multi-colored lights blink in joyous rhythm on my windowpane. It's a wonderful sight to see, but more than that, it's the image of families together, praying and exchanging gifts, that never fail to tug at my heartstrings. Christmas brings hearts closer more than any other occasion ever could. And I guess that's only fitting. Because it was during Christmas that our Lord ans Saviour came to the world to be among us, and ultimately, to save us. I wish everyone much happiness. And as always, let's not forget the true reason behind the season.

Ninth

2007-12-14T11:45:00.000+08:00

Today, James and I are celebrating our ninth month as a couple. I always say that falling in love happens by chance, but staying in love happens by choice. James and I were best friends who never anticipated that we would fall in love. But by some twist of fate, we did. A million words would never be enough to say how much James means to me, and a million tomorrows would never suffice to let him feel how much I love him. I truly am blessed to have someone like him in my life.

Holiday Rush

2007-12-03T09:38:00.001+08:00

I've been to the mall this weekend and I was surprised at the number of shoppers rushing around. And then it came to me... it's December already. It's surely evident from the crisp night air and the general feeling of goodwill that's seemingly wrapping everyone up. It's nice to think that after eleven months of preoccupation, people get this time of the year to step back and think of others for a change. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)

Kitty Balloons and a Love Note

2007-11-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

Thank you for these angelpie!~ *hugs*

Yesterday, November 24th, James and I went out on a date at SM Mall of Asia. It was, in many ways, a perfect date. We laughed, he sang, I cried, we strolled, he bought me balloons... If I were to detail all the precious memories yesterday gave me, then I would have to create several blogs. But then again, words would never suffice for them.

My memories would just be here, locked up in my treasure trove, for me to play back and dream of whenever I feel the need to do so. Sheer perfection...

*sigh*

I'm so blessed to have the bestest, most wonderfully amazing boyfriend in the entire universe. I love you James!~ *snuggles*

Retail Therapy

2007-11-16T18:35:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that just after I've said that foodie therapy is the best way to go in terms of wounded hearts, I turn right around and splurge into another effective albeit more expensive form of sadness eliminator: retail therapy.

Having been late for class this morning, my mom and I decided to go to Glorietta and Greenbelt in Makati instead. That proved to be a lethal combination for me time and again: mommy + mall. I ended up trying on a wide variety of skirts, blouses, and dresses [trivia: I shop at the pre-teens section >.<]. And in the end, I went home after purchasing two skirts, a button-down blouse, and a spaghetti top, as you can see on the photo above.

And yes, retail therapy is indeed effective. Right now, I feel happy and sedated, sort of like the way you feel after a fully satisfying meal at your favorite resto. And broken hearts..? I don't even know what the words mean. =P

I love you James!~ *snuggliesh*

Foodie Therapy

2007-11-16T09:16:00.000+08:00

Some people say that the best way to get over sadness is through retail therapy. I say that only comes in second to foodie therapy!~ =P While staring intently onto my lappy, I smelled the aroma of the above-posted photo wafting up to my room. Suffice it to say that as of the moment, I find myself feeling too heavy to move from where I'm sitting. =))

Who cares about cringe-ing waistlines? It seems that wounded hearts are best glued together by a healthy dose of fat [insert insane laughter here. hahaha.].

Eat hearty everyone!~ *huggies*

Et Moi..?

2007-11-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

Pourquoi doit-il toujours être au sujet de vous..? Et moi..?

I feel sad and insignificant. My tears are falling relentlessly but no one bears witness. No one cares to ask why. No one knows. Maybe it's better that way...

The night wind blows, the rain falls as relentlessly as my tears do... the cold is chilling my skin. Likewise, the pain is freezing my heart. Is it really better to feel numb? Or am I really the one who is numb? Isn't it all the more true that someone else is guilty of numbness? Or maybe it's naivete... I don't know anymore. Still, one question lingers in my mind...

What about me..?

Rainy Thursday

2007-11-15T11:06:00.000+08:00

I woke up today to the patter of raindrops against my windowsill [and an occasional raindrop splatter on my face =P ]. It's a cold, dreary, rainy Thursday today. Good thing I don't have any classes. I'm looking forward to the prospect of a rainbow though, but no such luck so far. Weather reports say that the stormy weather would last until Saturday morning, so I guess I'd just have to keep on dreaming about picnics on sunny meadows with my angel for now.

Burrow on your blankies everyone!~ *huggies*

Eighth

2007-11-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

It's mine and Jame's eighth monthsary!~ I feel so bouyant and happy. It feels as if it has been much much longer than eight months, and yet ironically, each day feels like there's always something new that's waiting to happen. I am so deeply in love with my angel. Both of us are hoping and praying that this time, it'll be forever. ^__^

Pretty Pinky Mousy

2007-11-11T20:13:00.001+08:00

Me was so sad to have lost my lappy's optical mousy last weekend, after the LevelUp Live 2007 event that James and I participated in. T__T

After a week of suffering through the use of the synaptics touch pad for word processing and gaming, which is a feat if you know the horrors of touch pad use for gamers, me decided to buy a new mousy for my lappy and for me-self of course.

My quest for the perfect mousy brought me to Sm Bacoor this afternoon. Me started at Hurricane Microsystems but no mousy caught my eye. Me moved on to Octagon Computer Computer Systems where me found an exact twin of the mousy me lost. As I took it from the shelf though a pretty pretty mousy caught my eye. It was pinky!~ *faints*

So me hurried off to the cashier with this gem of an eye-candy. I rushed home and plugged it in to my lappy and here it ish, the perfect pinky mousy!~ *snugglies*

Ish so pretty, don't you think? *winkiesh*

Purplink

2007-11-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

I love purplink. People tell me no such color exists, but I don’t need a color wheel to determine what I SHOULD see. I believe in what I COULD see and that’s enough for me. What would this world come to if we limit ourselves to seeing what OTHERS tell us we SHOULD see? Each vision is possible, if only we have faith.

Why another blog domain? I have come to the conclusion that my original bloggy, http://winterangel.wordpress.com/, is a bit emotionally poignant and profound; out of the league of the little girl in me. Hence, CandyRaine was given her own little domain.

With lots of air castles to build and candy-coated dreams to make, light-hearted chatter and heartwarming stories to share, and yes, maybe even some tears to shed and a few tantrums to get over with; drop by every so often to take a glimpse into the rainbow colored world the child in me dwells in.

Hope to see you around!~ *snugglies*